#because the original is about making peace with your death and preparing for whatever afterlife comes next

[greatcometcas]

- I HAVE HOPE (David Byrne, One Fine Day, American Utopia) || insp.

[staygolddindjarin]

Grief

Chapter One: History

Din Djarin x Reader x a bunch of other star wars characters

Series Summary: Raised on Mandalore, born into a bloodline of warriors, no one ever expected for the daughter of a Clan leader to go rogue. Leaving the life of security and making the journey to fight in the war against the empire meant many things... giving up the way of the Mandalore, and giving up a solid future. A future that involves an arranged marriage to a foundling from another clan.

Chapter Warnings: Oof this ones kinda angsty right off the bat- ⚠️ attempted suicide?? Kinda?? Age gap (reader is underage, but don't worry it's just for the sake of backstory and also there's no spicy, so...) mentions of death and afterlife, fluff if you like squint really hard

A/n: hello there... I'm sorry to inflict tumblr with this atrocity, but wattpad had to deal with it so tumblr can too. I wrote a different version of this on my wp with an OC name, but I know that not everyone cares for that so this won't include that. Also this series will be such a slow burn... prepare yourself ahead of time because it's going to be agonizing

Words: 6.3k+

SERIES MASTERLIST UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Part 1/?

"Pehea gar mar'eyir ni...."

How did you find me....

He came and sat beside me, the sound of metal scraping agaisnt the ground when he knelt first.

"Gar cuyir te shi solus tion'ad comes olar jii.  Ni kar'taylir gar jate'shya gar mirdir Ni vaabir," He responded.

You are the only one who comes here now. I know you better than you think I do.

I heaved a deep breath before letting it out in an exhausted sigh. Speaking in my native tongue was something I always appreciated, but now sitting here it felt nearly uncomfortable, but there was a reason for that.

"I wanted to be alone," The words from my mouth were no longer in my language, and he shifted beside me, trying to convey his confusion without a word.

"Care to elaborate?" He suggested, his asking tone was harsh... but then so was everything else about him.

I didn't really feel like explaning my feelings at the moment. I didn't want to focus on the very thing he was asking about. Even though he wasn't absolutely sure of what he was asking.

"You wouldn't understand if I told you," I trailed off.

"Try me." His voice wasn't any softer, but the sincerity he rarely showed had seeped into his tone.

"I really don't think it's a good idea. You really won't understand, and for all I know you could make things worse off for me than they already are," I didn't like it when he let his guard down around me. I didn't like getting closer to him, even though I was supposed to.

"I can't force you. Whatever it is, I wouldn't get myself too worked up," He sounded hurt, but I couldn't bring myself to believe it was by my words. He was too strong to be wounded by such trivial things.

He moved in his seat, beginning to stand, and for some reason the thought of being alone like I had originally intended seemed like a horrible idea.

I reached out to grip his arm. I kept my gaze forward, knowing that even if I looked at him I could not see his eyes.

"Stay."

He didn't hesitate. He sat down again, and I no longer felt guilt for the hurt in his voice a moment prior.

We sat for a moment in silence, just looking over the cliffside, into the deep canyons that wove in between settlements and encampments of our tribes and clans.

"I don't want this life," I whispered. I had only half hoped he would be paying enough attention to hear me. My voice was soft enough that he might not have.

"What do you mean?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, regretting the choice to even say what I did. I felt a shiver go down my arms, and I felt the wind come into the old open cavern, making the air around me chill. My arms were exposed, for I didn't expect the cold tonight. I didn't expect to be here this long.

"I'll turn sixteen in four days. I will either take the creed, or deny everything I've ever been taught. I'd leave if I do that," I finally gave a glance in his direction. He looked back at me, or at least the beskar did. I could never tell where his eyes were.

"You want to leave?" That pained tone of his voice had returned. The one I felt guilty for without actually believing I had done anything to cause it.

I did. I wanted to get off this planet. Away from the responsibility of becoming what everyone expected of me.

"I have to. It's the only way I will ever be at peace, but I'm not sure if I truly have the strength to stand in front of my family and deny the creed."

I could run away. I had some friends who were planning to jump a transport and join the rebellion against the empire.

They had offered me to be apart of this, but I had refused, believing that I would follow in my ancestors footsteps and take the creed. My father had already provided the beskar for my helmet to be made. It was already in the armourer's possession. All that was left was for me to come of age.

"Where did you go, just now?" He noticed my lack of attentiveness to my current reality, and brought me back to where I was. On the drafty cliffside, with my legs hanging over the end.

"Nowhere. I was just thinking about the future," I had admitted. Though I felt the need to stay emotionally distant from him, and not let myself develop a closeness, I knew I could trust him with my life, which is why I even revealed these things to him in the first place.

"What do you think your future will look like?" The tone that brought me guilt had again left his voice, but was replaced by something else... was it fear? I could not even think of theorizing that he could ever be scared. He was one of the bravest in his clan. Never had he shown an ounce of fear to anyone or anything. How stupid of me to even wonder.

"Merc and his crew are gonna stow away on a crate transport tomorrow. He has contact with the rebellion. He said that I could go with them if I was up for it," I looked down, almost embarrassed at admitting a plan of escape to someone so loyal to this place. Even though he wasn't born on this planet, and even though he wasn't a blood member of any tribe, the foundling was more of a mandalorian than I could ever be.

"You've agreed?"

"No. Not yet," I shook my head. I didn't feel like my reasons were valid. Having him sit beside me, and ask me these things made me realize that I needed to explain myself further.

"Din, I want to be free. I don't want to spend the rest of my life under a code that is so restricting to me, binding my every decision. Everything I'd do would have to be following after the creed."

He didn't respond, and even though his features were shrouded under the reflective surface of his beskar, I could tell he was thinking of something.

"I'm not yet sixteen, but when I am... I don't want to be locked down under a piece of metal. I don't want to have to be bound to this planet or a clan. I want to go some place far away and be something that is different than what everyone expects of me. I want to fight battles against the empire, I want to make my own rules. I want to be free to marry who I love, and not be betrothed to whoever my father chooses for me," I finished off my speech about freedom, but realized the last sentence too late. I should have chosen a better set of words.

Din's head hung down, looking at the wrist guards he wore. He shook his head back and forth and before I could interject, he began speaking.

"So that's why...." he trailed off. I was honestly too scared to say anything now. Why must I speak so bluntly and hurtfully honest to people? Perhaps it is because I had never gotten close to him that now I had no fear in what I said to his face.

"If the reason you plan to leave your family is because of me, then-"

"No," I said harshly, catching him off guard. I was usually snippy with others, but I had never before shown a tendency to be angry or intense with my speech. "Believe me, this has nothing to do with you."

"You have always shown enthusiasm towards coming of age. It's only now, when we are arranged, that you show any difference," He brought on certainty in his voice that I nearly couldn't deny, but the truth was... it really wasn't about him. "I can converse with your father, the rest of the clan... I will find a way to break it off if it will make you stay."

"Din, I don't want you to do that. If you don't believe me when I tell you that you are not the cause of this, then so be it, but I will not have you ruining your good name in my favor, when it won't even stop me," The heat of the moment provided actual, physical warmth for me in the time I was running my mouth off, but now that I had finished, and begun to calm down, I felt the freezing air on my arms again, wrapping them around myself and drawing my legs closer to generate more body heat.

"Are you cold?" He changed the subject, needing something- anything else to say.

"Its not exactly warm up here," My voice was low and sarcastic, but at hearing my words, Din stood up and stepped behind me. Before I even had a chance to ask him what he was doing, I felt his thick woolen cape being draped around my shoulders.

I smiled softly, not even a real, full smile. More of just a small tug from the side of my lips. My real smile was saved for later.

"Thank you."

He nodded as he sat back down, letting his legs fall over the cliffside.

"So you're gonna leave with them, aren't you?" His head turned to face me, but I couldn't dare try and stare at the beskar while thinking of what I would do. This choice was the beginning of the rest of my life.

"I think so," I didn't think. Thinking was what I had been doing too much of. Now I was certain. This was my choice. I was going to start new, and become something different. I may have been born on mandalore, but I was definitely not a mandalorian.

I had a rush of confidence come through me until I remembered what this meant. It all hit me like a dropship coming out of hyperspace. What was I thinking?

"No," I whispered. Din didn't understand my sudden discouragement, but he would soon.

"Merc and his friends already denied the creed. He's a foundling. They all are," I started to tear up as I realized what would happen to my family. The loss of a child in a clan is bad enough, but my family hadn't done anything to dessrve this. They were caring. They had shown me love. They had given me the best life I could ask for on a planet with such a religion.

"Second thoughts?" He asked genuinely, scooting closer beside me as to maybe get more information from my body language, or even my breathing.

"I can't do this. My family would be ruined. If I ran away, they would be punished for it," I felt tears coming up in my eyes. My clan was good to me. The people were kind, and I found solace there. Even if I had always dreamt about something bigger, I couldn't bear to let ruin come upon my family name. It wasn't fair to let that happen, especially when the only thing in the way was my own selfishness. "I can't leave my family."

I let the tears stream down my face, not even bothering to wipe them away. The contrast of the cold wind on my hot, tear streaked face had helped to calm me down a little.

"If you plan on staying, you understand that I am apart of your future here, don't you?"

"Din, I already told you before... you are not the reason I want to leave," I tried my best to keep myself together, but with my wet cheeks and red, puffy eyes, I didn't see how that could be an option.

What if there was another way to freedom?

I sat, trying to think of some stories that the other clan members would talk about.

"Din?"

He hummed in response, keeping his gaze on me.

"Has anyone in your clan ever mentioned afterlife?" I maybe should have taken a different approach to this. He seemed to be rendered speechless by my topic of conversation, but I had to ask.

"You mean after death?" He asked me and I nodded.

"I've heard some stories."

I thought about how it had been described to me. A paradise, with never-ending happiness, and unlimted freedom. Freedom.

"After you die, you appear in the world as another life. You can do whatever you want and no one has consequences for any of it. It's like a world without chaos. Everything is perfect," I remember every word as it comes out of my mouth. The words that were spoken to me, more like taught to me when I was a bit younger by the elders who had retired from their days of battle.

"It sounds too easy." He said, ripping me out of my fantasy.

"That's the point. You don't have to worry about anything or anyone, because you can do as you please, and everything will still be the same. All you have to do is die...."

"Like being reborn into a different world."

"Exactly."

I hesitated to take my safety blaster from it's holster under my hip, and when I did, I looked at it before pointing it out in the distance and testing the trigger. It shot a blast of lazer energy out into the air, landing somewhere beneath us in the canyon.

I decided that this was not an act to pursue at the moment, for Din was sitting right beside me, and the sight of watching a young girl pull the trigger against her own head might be an unpleasant one. Even for him, though he has seen worse.

I put the blaster back in it's holster and stand up from the rocky ground. Din follows suit, looking down at me with quiet concern. I wouldn't have known it until now, but I wondered if he had come to care for me at all during these last few weeks we had been betrothed.

I'd known him the majority of my life anyways, so I knew he must have felt some sort of attachment to me, but in what form, I hadn't ever cared to ask.

He kept breathing heavily as he looked down at me for a few moments, and it almost sounded like he wanted to ask me something. The question was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to utter the words.

"Here's your cape back," I slid the material off my shoulders, trying to hand it back to him, but he pushed it back towards me.

"You should keep it for now. The sun is nearly down, it will only grow colder."

He reached his gloved hand up to my face, and I could swear I felt the warmth of his hand beneath the coarse leather.

I only nodded, and leaned forward, trying to lean my head into him, but he carefully stopped me, his hands on my shoulders. Instead he rested his helmet against my forhead, and the cold beskar wasn't such a bad feeling as it rested there.

"I won't let you down. I promise." He said, clueless of my plans for later tonight, after the tribes were asleep, and no one would be at the cliffside.

"I know you won't. You're a good man, Din Djarin." I paused, trying to gather better words. "A true Mandalorian if there ever was one."

The moment didn't last any longer because of how frigid the air was becoming. It was warmer back with the tribes, they always had a fire burning.

Without another word, we both left the old artillery cavern and hiked down the side of the canyon to get back to our own clan territory.

Once I was at the edge of mine, I turned around to utter a simple goodbye, and found that he was very close behind me. His hand came up and rested on my shoulder, lightly squeezing it.

Maybe this was the last time we would see each other. Tonight I would envoke my plan to freedom, to rebirth. Perhaps we would meet in another life. Perhaps I would have just enough memory of this life to try and find him in the next one. One where I will have freedom.

Tonight I had gotten closer to the metal clad Mandalorian than I ever had before. I didn't regret it. He listened to what I had to say, and there were few who ever did.

His hand fell from it's place on my shoulder, but I didn't let him walk away yet. I pulled him into an embrace, feeling him tense up for a moment before reciprocating. It took him a few seconds to let out the breath he was holding in, but when he did, he found himself relaxing into the comfort.

"Goodbye, Din," My voice wasn't sad, or overly sensitive in any way. I figured it actually sounded quite optimistic.

"You know I'll see you tomorrow." He said, reminding me of the clan meetings. Once a month the clans would gather and each tribe would go over the agenda for whatever was to happen soon. Battles were normally discussed, but tomorrow, me and a few of the others in the other clans would be talked about. Our ceremonial coming of age where we would take the creed.

"Yeah... right. Don't come looking for me, I don't plan on showing up," I said quietly, careful in anyone was to hear me.

He pulled me back at arms length and looked at me, but his black blast shield hid his features and I could not tell if he thought I was crazy or not.

"How come?" His voice was also quiet, as we noticed some of my clan passing by to get to the fire.

"Don't worry about it. You'll still see me tomorrow," I lied. Or did I? Everyone within the five neighboring tribes would probably see me tomorrow.

He nodded, pulling us all the way apart and stepping back.

"Good."

He didn't look like he was gonna walk away until I had gone into the hub of my clan's small village. I turned around and walked towards the large fire, seeing my mother. Her helmet was unmistakable. The pattern of the strill engraved into the side of the beskar. It was her signet. A worthy kill of her days in battle. I would never have one. I walked towards her when she noticed me.

Her modulated voice let out a small chuckle, before I stepped beside her.

"It is well to see you spending time with Din Djarin. Me and your father were afraid you may not have been fond of him," She kept her gaze on the fire, speaking only loud enough for me to hear her, given that the other mandalorians of our village were also gathering around the fire, conversing with each other the same way we were.

"I am fond of him, why would I not be?" I was unsure of what she meant. Sure, I had been keeping a distance between us since my father had arranged our marriage, but I never had shown that I wasn't fond of him. I was polite, and gave him attention when it was asked of me.

"Whenever I or your father bring up the discussion of your eighteenth birthday, you always seem to act like it's the plague," She was smirking under her helmet, and I could tell. I could always tell what face she made underneath her metal covering.

"Maybe it's the fact that I dread getting married at all. I'm not opposed to Din, though," I convinced her. I wouldn't have to try and do that again after tonight.

"Whatever it is, your father will be pleased to know you and him were in each other's company. Although I will stray from telling him you two were alone... you were alone, weren't you?" She turned her metal covered head, trying to figure out from the look on my face.

"Yes," I answered truthfully, knowing there was no point in lying. No damage could be done at this point, except for maybe towards Din.

"And what were you both doing?" She tilted her head, and I let mine drop. I would tell her the truth, because nothing bad could come from it. Or could it.

"We were just talking... about the future," I answered.

"Your marriage..." She suggested, and I nodded, knowing that it did come up in the conversation.

"Yes."

"I shudder to ask if consummating was apart of this conversation," She looked back at the fire, knowing how red my cheeks would turn and how embarrassed I would be.

"No, nothing like that. I can promise you," I shivered at the thought. Din was a good man, but I didn't necessarily need to be letting thoughts like that intrude my mind.

Everyone else around the fire seemed to be distracted by the glowing flames, and my mother was soon the same, so I suggested my absense.

"I'm going to go in for the night, get some rest. Big meeting tomorrow..." I said before reaching out and squeezing her hand tightly.

She nodded to me, and I took my leave, walking towards our living quarters on the opposite side of camp.

I wasn't looking where I was going, and brushed my shoulder against Merc, who was with Gander and Shyloh.

"Sorry, didn't see you coming," I told him, but he shook his head, optiing ti ask me a question instead.

"Don't worry about it, I was looking for you anyway... Did you think about the offer? We leave at sunrise on the north delivery tarmac," He informed me, but I didn't have an answer. I wasn't staying here, but I wasn't leaving either.

"You'll know if I show up," I gave him a smirk, partially just because I was glad to see someone's actual face tonight, and not just a metal facade.

"We can't wait up for you, just know that."

I nodded, letting them get by. Maybe I could go with them. Live this life freely without starting another one.

No.

My family will not be able to handle that. It's better off if I'm dead. At least they won't go on to believe that I betrayed them, turning my back on all loyalty they had ever taught me. They would nevwr wonder if I ever loved them or planned on keeping their wishes.

I could start fresh. They wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. And I wouldn't have to worry anymore either. Rebirth.

I went straight to bed, clutching the woolen blanket beside me close to my chest.

For some reason I felt a pang of guilt in my chest. Something that made the sting of salty tears swell in my eyes. I knew that what I was doing was best, but yet I started having a hard time justifying something so drastic. They would get on fine without me, wouldn't they? They would go on living by the creed. This is the way. They will find a way to go on without me, like they did before I was born. Din will be arranged with another girl as soon as I'm gone. Everything will be alright.

The wetness that spilled over my eyes and down my face lasted hours, even though my mind kept telling itself that it was at peace.

It was in the dead of night, when I gathered a few of my belongings into a knapsack, throwing it over my shoulder before leaving out the tattered window of my private space.

I ventured to the canyon, with the moons lighting my way. The planet was never truly dark, due to the brightness and the number of shinning moons, all the color silver.

I set my knapsack down on the edge beside me. By the end of this, I would be at the bottom, waiting to be found the next day. I just hoped it wouldn't be anyone I knew. Of course, the number of people who ever came out here was only two. Me, and Din Djarin.

I hoped he wouldn't find me. I hoped it would be someone from another tribe that was flying over, and happened to spot something at the base of the cliffside.

I pulled my flask to my mouth, taking a large drink. A bit spilled onto my chin, and I wiped it off, feeling the breeze on my face. It was much colder now than earlier tonight. I wasn't sure if I should pull the blanket from my belongings and wrap it around myself, or skip the process of making myself comfortable and just get this over with.

I leaned over, looking straight at the ground, hundreds of feet below me. My heart started racing, and I got scared. Why shouldn't I be? I have every right to be absolutely terrified. I closed my eyes, trying to scoot myself over the edge inch by inch, seeing if I would just drop.

I nearly panicked when my bottom hit a crack in the ground and I thought I was going over. My breath hitched in my throat and I instantly pulled myself back.

"This isn't as easy as I thought it would be," I murmered, beginning to feel the emotional side of everything rise to the surface again. It didn't help that with the absolute silence that circled around me, I couldn't have any single thing to distract me.

I stood to my feet, wrapping my arms around myself to ease the goosebumps rising on my skin from the frigid air.

I stood right on the edge, lifting a foot over and leaning forward, but before I could fall, I again caught myself, the adrenaline working overtime in my system and beginning to heat me up.

That wasn't going to work either. If I could, I would put a blaster to my temple and pull the trigger, but then it wouldn't look like an accident.

I paced around back and forth a few times, trying to calm myself down, to stop the whimpering and to make my tears cease. It wasn't working. I just needed to get this over and done with. A new life, with endless possibilities was waiting for me on the other side. Freedom was on the other side.

I wiped my face, even though it didn't stop me from crying, but it helped me to see clearer. I backed up, into the cavern, all the way inside until my back hit the wall of the ex artillery carvern. This was it. A new beginning. Rebirth. New life. Freedom.

I ran as fast as I could toward the edge, my eyes closed. I could feel the wind blowing against me even harder with my speed, and I could tell the edge was drawing near. Every step I took, I felt as though it was my last one.

I finally felt my foot hit the edge, but then I never fell. Instead, I was tackled to the ground. Whoever landed on top of me was heavy enough to hold me down, because half of me was hanging off the edge of the cliff.

I didn't dare even open my eyes. This was a sign. Someone stopped me.

I clinged onto whoever it was, and knew almost instantly who was laid over me when I heard him groan.

I cried even harder, my head buried in his armor clad chest, and my arms around his neck and his torso.

He was holding me tightly, one hand cradled my head into his neck, and the other firmly gripped my waist. He rolled us both over and I swear I felt him shaking.

"What were you thinking?" He stressed, his grip on me tightening as if he was scared to let go. I was scared too. I didn't want him to let go.

"You have to talk to me..."

I heaved a deep breath, deep enough to steady my voice so my whimpering didn't interfere with my words.

"I want out. I need to get out," I cracked in the middle of saying so few words, but they conveyed the message I was trying to get through.

"I can get you out, I promise.... But please don't ever try that again," His voice was full of worry, and as I suspected, he was trembling in fear.

"I'm sorry..." I cried some more, realizing that what I had done was now the biggest mistake I ever made, even if I was saved.

"It's okay. You're okay. I've got you," He spoke to me, my voice quieting down as my sobbing came to a slow halt.

I lifted my face from where I had burrowed it into his neck, looking up at him. I didn't know what his expression was, but something told me it was fearful, and worrysome.

"I have to get out of here," I repeated again. The last day or so it became my mantra, and would leave my lips often, even just to myself. Mostly just to myself.

"You're going to. You're going with Merc... when are they leaving?" He asked, his arms still around me like mine were for him.

"At sunrise. They're gonna jump a delivery ship on the north tarmac," I explained, my voice was now hoarse and thick, due to not only all the crying I had done, but also the cold night air that had entered my lungs.

"Sunrise isn't for a few hours..." he let me know, and I nodded, knowing we shouldn't probably leave yet, for the walk to the north tarmac wasn't very long from here.

"Din, if I leave, my family is going to get the fire for my decision. I can't let that happen," I told him, my voice had become more firm, and I needed to convey the importance of how much this meant to me.

"I give you my word, that as long as I live, nothing will happen to your family," He swore, and I could just feel his eyes staring into mine. So much so that for the first time since he put that helmet on, I knew where his eyes were.

"I trust you. And I know that you'll always keep your word," I nodded, a small smile finally forming on my face.

Since it got fairly quiet, and we were still entangled together,  I scooted off of Din and opted instead to take the seat beside him.

"I should tell you some things before I go. I just don't want to leave anything unresolved," I admitted, and he stayed silent, waiting for me to continue.

"I know this might sound horrible, but I hated the idea of getting too close to you. It was like if I had formed an emotional bond with you, I wouldn't be able to leave anymore. And the last thing on my mind had been to stay. I've wanted freedom for a while now, I was just always too scared to say anything. And when my father told me that you and him had come to an agreement for arranging a marriage.... it's like it all became more real to me. My freedom would be taken in just days. The creed of mandalore is sacred, and it's truly an amazing thing... but it isn't for everyone."

He sat and took everything in. All the words that just spewed from my mouth like I had been holding them in for ages went against everything I had ever learned. Everything that had ever been put into my mind was the opposite of what I wanted.

"You're young. You want more than what the creed can offer you. I think you'll be able to find what you want wherever you're going," He said, I knew there was more, for he didn't even mention anything that I had said about not wanting to be close to him, but when he stayed silent, I knew he was finished, and that I still had more to say.

"Din, I wanted to tell you that if I had to be married, I wouldn't have minded it being you," I admitted. I would leave no stone unturned before I was to just pick up and leave forever... maybe not forever, maybe someday I would return to my family, to Din.

"I can't say I don't feel the same," He seemed to become stiff next to me, but I soon found the reason when he suddenly reached for my hand with his gloved one.

I took it proudly, intertwining our finhers together.

"You know, I was only an eight year old kid when you took the creed. I have so many memories of you yourself, but whenever I recall them... I can't see your face. I've completely forgotten what you look like," I laughed a bit, though it was quite a sad thing actually. I could not remember him in a way that wasn't covered in metal. I remembered that he was a boy once, and that he would play with all the younger children in the clan set next to his. He played with me and the kids I lived next to. He was a lively, energetic boy. Always doing something... sometimes causing mischievous acts. He was so different now. But the change wasn't bad. Since he'd taken the creed he has been the most noble, fearsome, and trustworthy member of his clan. Completely honorable in every sense of the word.

"I don't look like I used to. It wouldn't do you any good to remember anyways," He chuckled under his helmet, and it brought a smile to hear the melodic sound.

"Well, if I'd stayed long enough to marry you I would find out for myself," I leaned my head on his shoulder, feeling comfort by his presence. If I had made the absolute decision to leave this planet earlier, I could have let myself grow a relationship with him. Romantic or not, he was easy to talk to, and I trusted him. He was a friend to me, and I never imagined more, but now his presence was just something that put me at such ease.

"Do you think you'll ever come back?" He pondered, seeing as just the tiniest moonrays shown down into the canyon ahead.

"Someday. I'll comeback and repay you."

"For what?"

"Saving my life," I replied. My attempt to throw my own life away had been pushed away but I had to bring it up. I owed him my life.

"Anyone would have done the same if they had seen," He insisted, and I shook my head.

"How did you even know I was out here?" My curiosity got the better of me, and I asked for an explanation.

"I couldn't sleep, I took a walk through Ronion until I found myself here. I saw you across from the mesa on the south side... I saw you lift your foot over the edge, I knew what you were trying to do," He said, his grip on my hand got tighter almost instantly.

"Thank you. If you hadn't been there, I would be at the bottm of this canyon." I let so much seriousness onto my voice, and it didn't sound like me.

"Don't thank me yet... not until I get you on the tarmac,"

We sat in silence after that, just looking out over the horizon. When the slightest bit of light hit the edge of the planet, we stood to our feet, gathering my knapsack and begining the journey to the north delivery tarmac.

We were there in no time, and before I could even look for them, Merc and his crew were in sight. They were all sitting with their backs against some cargo imports, waiting for the transport to arrive.

"Well, well, well... look at what the shriek hawk dragged in," Shyloh said, gesturing to me and Din.

"Djarin, I didn't expect to see you here," Merc raised an eyebrow at the sight.

"I'm just here to make sure she gets onto the transport safely," He assured them. I looked out of the corner of my eye, and in the brighter horizon I was able to see a cargo ship coming into the landing area.

"Our rides here," I said, and they all jumped up. Since the ships were automatically run, and don't even require droids, it was often very easy to hop aboard and be carried to another destination. Of course, there were only a few who ever wanted to leave.

I myself hadn't ever left Mandalore, neither had I traveled much even on the planet. Only a few trips to visit the the markets with my father. I never even went into the city, for it was told that in the city lived Mandalorians who did not keep the creed. The tribes were convinced that they hadn't actually ever taken the oath, and just wore the armor for the sake of doing it.

The ship's doors opened, pulling me out of my thoughts, and a conveyer belt folded down to let the cargo units be carried out onto the tarmac for later pickup.

"Alright, it's time to head out," Gander said, slinging his knapsack over his shoulder and boarding the transport.

The rest followed after him, but I still had one thing left to do. 

Din looked at me, waiting for me to join the others, but I came close to him one last time.

"You promise my family will be taken care of?" I asked, to which he simply answered with a firm nod. However the look on my face gave him reason to believe that his answer wasn't good enough, so he spoke instead.

"I give you my word. If they are not taken care of, I will let you strike me dead where I stand."

That was good enough for me. He truly meant it. He was a man of his word.

I pulled his head toward mine, resting ny forehead against his in a traditional mandalorian kiss. I pulled back when I heard my name being called from the transport.

"Goodbye, Din Djarin," I told him.

He didn't respond, he just let me go, watching intently as I boarded the ship before the doors closed.

The cargo transports were always on schedule, so as soon as the doors closed, it began lifting into the air. I looked out through the transparent view finder on the side, watching him stand as we began moving out of sight.

"You gonna miss him?" Shyloh asked, his brows furrowing as if he were sorry for me.

"Yes, I suppose I will."

I lost sight of Din, and realized we were leaving the atmosphere most likely preparing for a jump to hyperspace.

"But I'll see him again."

.

.

Tags are open ig...

A/n: please don't get too caught up in the age gap y'all it's just for backstory purposes because this story is eventually going to follow canon events.... (also i know that this doesn't really portray Mandalore correctly, but let's pretend it does because i had this idea)

[brushstrokesapocalyptic]

it’s time for the “overanalyzing one-off lines” show!

so the very first thing magnus says when he sees pit in chapter 2 of kid icarus: uprising is as follows:

“Well, I didn’t expect to see an angel here. Hope this doesn’t mean I’ve kicked the bucket.”

now, i’m not sure if you’re aware, but that’s a really weird thing for someone to say, and it’s even more weird that no one comments on it. pit and palutena go on talking about unrelated things, as if that’s a totally normal and expected thing for magnus to say.

now, if you’re like me, you probably also didn’t really react to this line the first few times you saw it. it’s the second chapter, kiu has a lot of slightly-odd lines which turn out to be foreshadowing. me, personally? my first thought was “oh, i guess angels are probably associated with escorting the dead to the afterlife,“ and then i moved on.

they’re not, though. that’s what reapers do. and there’s no way humans have these two races mixed up. just fucking look at them.

do they look anything alike to you??? no. they don’t. which raises the question of why, exactly, magnus said that.

now, we don’t know a lot about angels as a whole. pit (and by extension dark pit) is emphatically not the gold standard of angeldom. we can assume he looks fairly ordinary for an angel, seeing as no one has trouble identifying him as such. beyond that, though, a lot of what we know about angels comes from what pit isn’t. for starters, he can’t fly. and there’s something else, too, but i’ll get to that later.

before that, though, i’m gonna go through the various unsubstantiated comments made by people with a dubious level of authority on the subject. (incidentally, i sourced these screenshots from the wiki— much more convenient than trying to dig through youtube for every single random conversation.)

without any further ado! let’s get into it!

Angels as Messengers

Gaol: Aw, Palutena’s little messenger boy. And Magnus, it’s always a pleasure. (src)

in the specific context of overanalyzing magnus’s first line, this is an important sentence to pick out. magnus and gaol are both humans, both with presumably a fairly similar history as mercenaries up until gaol got stuffed in a suit of armor. but while magnus makes a weird comment about death, gaol calls pit a messenger.

and pit agrees with her!

Viridi: I wish I had an angel to do my bidding. It’s like having an intern.

Pit: I’m not an intern. I’m a messenger of the gods!

Viridi: Poor Pit. Don't you know that the definition of angel is "errand spirit"? (src)

this particular conversation is the most insight we get into angels as a whole, i think. viridi thinks of angels as like divine interns, there to do little tasks for gods, and palutena doesn’t exactly disagree with her. pit says they’re specifically messengers, which lines up with biblical mythology. i could see the traditional role of angels in the world of KI being exactly that, showing up to tell the humans what the gods have to say because the gods themselves are too busy being petty jerks to do it themselves.

The Angel’s Code of Conduct

Magnus: You go in fully dressed? Don't you at least want to change into a...swimming tunic or something?

Pit: Oh, no no no! The angel's code of conduct says that we must always be ready for duty.

Magnus: I guess you wouldn't be an angel if you didn't do things by the book. (src)

Pit: Hey! You know the angel's code of conduct! I need to be prepared at all times! (src)

another random little thing is the angel’s code of conduct. without a larger sample size, we can’t know if it’s a real thing or just an excuse to save on laundry, but apparently it’s against the rules to not be on call at all times. in pit’s case, the duty he has to be ready for is doing palutena’s dirty work, but it can easily mean just about anything— including, of course, being a messenger.

No Warrior

Chariot Master: But you are no warrior, angel. Tell me, why do you fight?

Pit: I fight for Lady Palutena. And I fight for the people under her protection!

Chariot Master: That's not reason enough for an angel. (src)

remember how i said there was something else weird about pit? the chariot master seems to think angels aren’t very prone to battle— or perhaps even that they’re actively opposed to it. this lines up well with the idea that they’re supposed to be messengers, peaceful go-betweens for gods and mortals. this does not line up well with pit, the adorable weapon of mass destruction.

and it also does absolutely nothing to explain the question driving the whole existence of this post.

you know what does kinda lean towards an explanation?

No Other Angels

Pit: Do all gods have their own angels, like you have me?

Palutena: No, I don't think that's necessarily the case. (src)

i said before that the Intern Pit conversation had the most illuminating information on angels. this is what i was actually referring to. on its own, it’s pretty innocuous, but it’s just as weird as the magnus line. shouldn’t pit know about other angels, seeing as he is one himself? but he doesn’t know if there are other angels.

the only angels we ever see are him and his clone. no one ever directly references the existence of other angels, they only make general statements about what angels as a whole are like— statements which clearly don’t apply to pit, meaning they’re not just extrapolating based on the one angel that definitely does exist.

the one time someone does comment on the hypothetical existence of other angels, palutena gives a vague answer to the tune of “no,” the topic is changed, and no one brings it up again.

let’s go over everything i’ve established about angels up to this point. they can fly, they’re peaceful messengers of the gods, and pit is the only one that seems to exist as of the start of KIU.

it should be pretty obvious at this point what answer i’m dancing around, if it wasn’t obvious from the start. pit is the only angel around because all the other ones are dead. the reason why magnus said what he did is that his thought process went something like this:

See an angel.

Think “Aren’t angels extinct? Is that a ghost? Am I a ghost? I sure hope not.“

Make a quip about that.

Move on with his life, because he isn’t dead and evidently neither is this guy.

i’m not gonna pretend i went into this post with the intent of any other conclusion to that mystery. anyone who’s bothered glancing over a plot summary for the original kid icarus can draw that conclusion. it’s certainly what i did, reinforced by fics by people who had the same thought!

the truth, however, is that this was all a trick to get you to read my analysis of the theoretical nature of angels as a race. now that you’re invested, i’m going to dramatically throw aside my cape and reveal my TRUE FORM: telling people that fandom consensus is wrong, and my ideas are cooler and better than everyone else’s and you should all throw roses at my feet and bow before your king.

(or just, y’know, take it as the subjective analysis that it is. whatever floats your boat.)

Hot Takes

the original kid icarus does not actually tell you about angels going extinct. here’s the wiki article with the full text of the backstory, just for convenience, so you know what i’m on about for the rest of this post.

so, the part of the story that i think gets misinterpreted is this part about palutena’s army.

Medusa led a surprise attack on Palutena's army which could barely fend off the attack. Palutena's army suffered major losses and was heavily defeated in the final battle.

specifically, i think a lot of people interpret said army as having been made up at least partly of angels. sure, in the actual game it consists entirely of centurions, but you have to take old NES games with a grain of salt. i know i don’t buy for a second that pit was part of palutena’s guard before the original game (he was just too goddamn young), there’s nothing wrong with reinterpreting things.

recall everything i established about angels already, though. this is the hot official lore, from the game everyone knows and loves. angels are messengers, and if the chariot master is to be believed, never warriors. pit is an outlier. palutena’s army consists of centurions, not angels. if medusa wiped them out, it wasn’t because they were fighting for palutena.

(and honestly, i don’t think angels are necessarily associated with palutena exclusively. sure, she’s got the wing imagery, and she’s got the one known surviving angel working for her, at least up until pittoo is born. but angels are messengers of the gods, not messengers of palutena. again, pit is an outlier.)

which all brings us to the real question of this post.

what the FUCK happened to all the other angels? why is there only pit? why does magnus act surprised to see a messenger of the gods, and make a quip about being dead, if not because angels are otherwise extinct?! WHO KILLED THEM, AND WHY?!

thus concludes the “over analyzing one-off lines“ show. see you next, uh, maybe at some point if i feel like it!

(also another thought i had but couldn’t find room to fit it in properly: the gods don’t really act like angels are all extinct, but i feel like that can be explained through the sheer scale of a god’s lifespan. if we assume they were wiped out sometime around the original kid icarus (even if not as palutena’s army) then that’s a whole twenty-five years. that’s a long time for us humans, but for a god, that might as well be last tuesday. “yeah, i know what angels are like. sure wish i could have one. too bad palutena’s got a monopoly on the one single angel that medusa didn’t manage to wreck.”)

[kenpxchi]

hellish. || origin

Hell in the world of Bleach is a crazy place.

In the movie and novels, it is given far more lore than in the manga, with its own locales. However, the interesting thing about Hell is that it predates the creation of the three main worlds of Bleach (Hueco Mundo, Soul Society, and the Living World). Moreover, as revealed in Can’t Fear Your Own World, the Soul King was born into a world overrun by Hollows, and was essentially the first Quincy, as they completely eliminated any Hollows they found, but their actions earned grave consequences.

Interestingly enough, the existence of Hell predates the existence of even the Soul King itself. It has somehow always been there, always accepting those worthy of its punishment. Moreover, Hell seems to have an affinity with Hollows and those with Hollow-like abilities, trying to draw out the Hollow within.

In light of this, here’s my theory: Hell is the ultimate origin of all Hollows, and Kenpachi has a connection to it.

I’m gonna be making some crazy cosmology theories below the cut.

Exhibit A: Chains and Fate

Hell is bound by a gate of chains, and any sinners who escape it are forcibly dragged back by chains that link them to Hell. Similarly, when a soul becomes a Hollow, its Chain of Fate is completely dissolved through the process of Encroachment. Moreover, when the soul of a sinner, a Togabito, manages to escape hell, they must constantly hide their face with a mask. Moreover, in the manga (Volume imaginary number 01. the unforgivens, which is helpful if you want icons of Szayel & Aaroniero), it is revealed that Hollows and even Arrancar, who are composites of hundreds of thousands of Souls, retain their original form in Hell.

So, here’s my theory: the first Hollows were Togabito who managed to escape Hell by severing themselves from the chains that bound them and wearing masks to remain hidden, but in the process, they lost their identity and became monsters. As for why Arrancar appear in Hell, it is likely so that the individual souls that make up their being can slowly be torn away and sifted through, so that the innocent souls can leave and the guilty remain trapped. In the beginning, since there was no life or death, there really only remains one dichotomy between the unified world and Hell.

The unified world was where good people lived in peace, and Hell was where bad people were punished. Or, at least, the bad people who got caught. And this has remained Hell’s purpose for the entirety of time immemorial: to punish Togabito and make them suffer. Which brings me to my next point.

Exhibit B: The Denial of Suffering

Now, as we all know, due to the Soul King completely erasing the Hollows, the balance of the world began to destabilize. The Soul King was willingly split into pieces by the original five Noble Houses of the Soul Society, and the world was divided up into three different pieces: Hueco Mundo, Soul Society, and the Living World. However, there are some pretty significant plot holes which I hope to address.

Why would the Soul King’s actions destabilize the world if there was no life or afterlife, and therefore, no balance of souls between them?

Simple. Hell was being denied its suffering. By completely annihilating a Hollow, you’re essentially destroying it quickly, cleanly, and without any punishment for its misdeeds. Hell, obviously, is going to be very angry about this, as it was robbed of its escaped prisoners, assuming my cosmology theory is correct. This would definitely lead to a destabilization event. The caretakers of Hell, the Kushanada, are indestructible juggernauts who eat sinners (this is what we in the business call foreshadowing, kids).

You would not want them getting mad and coming out of Hell to ruin your day, Soul King or not, because not only are they entirely indestructible, they can pool their power together into a single entity (or person, if you’re the protagonist) capable of damning someone to eternal torment. No matter what you can do, no matter how strong you are, if the Kushanada deem you a sinner, and all unite to come after you, prepare for literally eternal pain.

So, now the decision to take a nigh-omnipotent and omniscient god, cut him into pieces, stick him in a crystal, and split the world apart sounds a bit more reasonable considering the alternative would be to doom the entirety of all sentient beings to unending agony at the hands of the Kushanada.

Why would the Soul King agree to being sealed in the first place?

Simple. He realize that if his actions doomed the entire world to Hell, that whatever fate awaited him there would be worse than being dismembered and sealed away for eternity acting as the lynchpin between all three worlds. Faced with this choice, any sane person would take the option with less pain... as grisly as that option may be.

Why would the Soul King create a place for Hollows if he wanted to kill all of them?

My guess is that if the Soul King was kind enough to be hacked up for the sake of the world, the reason he was completely erasing Hollows in the first place was in order to protect them from eternal torment in Hell. Unlike the Kushanada, who thrive on making sinners suffer forever, the Soul King likely held the belief that people can change, and don’t deserve such cruelty. So, Hueco Mundo was created as a world that gives Hollows some respite from the horrors of Hell, which are apparently worse than a desert full of cannibalism and death. However, that’s me psychoanalyzing a character who has no dialogue in the manga proper, and is mostly used as a plot device until he dies. Nice job killing him, Ichigo.

Now, having patched up some of the plot holes with liberal application of assumptions and theory, let’s move on to Kenpachi’s connection to it.

Exhibit C: Suffering in the Separate Worlds

So, the Soul King and his five teenagers with attitude noble family heads all managed to appease Hell somehow. However, this likely wasn’t all they did to keep Hell from engulfing everything. Remember how earlier I said that the original, unified world was a place where only good people lived? Now, look at the three disparate worlds.

Hueco Mundo is a barren wasteland ruled by the strongest, who exploit and devour the weak. Soul Society is an authoritarian nightmare with a disparity in class living conditions so stark it’s worse than some caste systems. The World of the Living is... well. We all live in it, and we know how it’s going. So what happened to each of these three worlds to make them so bleak?

My guess is that Hell demanded to have its own little piece of itself in each of these new worlds, in order to make up for all the suffering that was lost due to the Soul King’s actions. It’s why Bleach is a horrifically depressing world. The Soul King defied the guys who believe in eternal punishment. Disproportionate retribution was bound to occur in that situation.

Now, to sprinkle in a little more theory. There are locations in these three worlds that have a strong connection to Hell. They aren’t set in stone; they’re simply the locations where the most suffering occurs. Kushanada are drawn to it, since it’s usually where their prey is causing trouble. One such location might be the Outer Rukon.

Specifically, Northern District 80: Zaraki.

The Nameless Boy

So, in light of all this headcanon lore and all these attempts to plug up the plot holes of Bleach, we come to the origins of Kenpachi Zaraki, the man who was born in the most hellish district in the Rukon. I’m still going with the idea of him being the son of a sex worker who fell pregnant and fled to Zaraki. However, we don’t know who the father is.

The mother goes into labor and dies in childbirth. Shortly after, her baby dies. However, because the baby is born in a literal actual hellhole, there’s an innate connection to the energies of Hell, which thrive on suffering. The baby wound up forging a connection to it, as its death in such close proximity to Hell at such a young age would likely grab the attention of the Kushanada, who would be somewhat miffed that they were denied such good suffering.

So what do they do? They decide to put a little piece of Hell into the baby, as retribution for their loss. And so, the baby boy comes back to life. He eats the corpse of his mother, grows old enough to escape the basement he’d been hiding in his entire life, and goes out to start killing.

This gives us a few interesting implications:

The reason Kenpachi doesn’t stay dead is because he cannot stay dead. He’s meant to be a piece of Soul Society forever corrupted by Hell, and to act as an agent of the Kushanada. It’s why he heals so quickly and just keeps getting back up no matter what he gets hit with.

Kenpachi’s impossible durability and horrifying strength come from his connection to Hell, as does his seemingly unending pool of reiatsu, mimicking the Kushanada.

Because Kenpachi gets stronger every time he dies, even after unlocking the unconscious seal he placed on himself, he’s tapping more and more into his connection to Hell whenever he dies.

When Kenpachi goes to the Living World, he is literally Hell on Earth.

tl;dr - Kenpachi is Bleach’s version of Ghost Rider.

Anyway, that’s my spiel. If there are any inconsistencies, feel free to DM me and let me know.

[pennys-th0ughts]

Robert Gray - The Origin of Pennywise 🤡 Chapter 1

Papers were scattered all over the desk and the dim light coming from an old oil lamp was fluttering in a lonely corner of the room. It was raining outside one cool November night of the year 1873 and the cobbled streets of Derry were almost empty. The sky was black ink like and the moon was bigger than usual. I was sitting on my armchair next to the window watching the last persons leave the street heading to the warm refuge of their homes.

The rain drops crashing against the window were falling down the glass getting thinner and thinner until the rain became a light drizzle. My eyes were focused on an old naked tree which had been stripped from all its leaves; it seemed to be dead since a crow was holding onto one of its branches looking erratically sideways. A seemingly endless night had woken up from its brief nap time, wet weather made it longer but sometimes the fresh breezes get to cool down my unstoppable mind from overthinking.

Stores were closed and finally the silence took over the sidewalks as insomnia used to take over my tired body and restless mind. I was twenty five years old and I suppose it was an advantage to be that young and have no commitments yet while being the sole heir of the only medicinal store in town. I could use my freedom at will and do whatever I pleased, managing my times since I was my own boss at work. The burden of such responsibility fell down on my shoulders when my father passed away, a couple of years after my mother decided to leave us because of a serious case of fever that my father couldn’t cure. I guess he felt defeated for not being able to cheat death this time and the corrosive feeling of guilt was what finally submitted him one night during his sleep.

The formalities concluded and after an orderly ceremony, the family’s lawyer made me sign some papers, then it all became in some kind of beneficious curse I needed to keep on going in order to survive. My father was the only apothecary in Derry and he began teaching me from an early age the art of mixing drugs to create specific medicines, so my grandfather did with him and so on.

Business flourished when a new disease wave attacked the small town leaving many fatal victims and several people in a critic health state. The only hospital was packed and people who couldn’t get medical attention in this facility had to stay indoors to prevent spreading the illness. There is when I stepped in. During a whole month I wouldn’t stop preparing thousands of dosses commissioned by the hospital and many other wealthy families. I would end up working night and day to fulfill the town needs for medicine to cure diphtheria, soothe the pain and reduce the fever. I got to really enjoy my work, but one day I couldn’t take the overwhelming pressure anymore that made me snap, so I started looking for an assistant to help me out with the preparations and also someone to deliver them. Speeding up the delivery could definitely save other people’s lives.

Shadows of death were still lurking and swallowing everything in its path, turning the alleys darker and the houses emptier. The plague was spreading faster than we could cure it and the atmosphere in Derry was getting heavier with sadness and hopelessness. During the nights, streets looked like pathways to afterlife and the little oil lamps hanging at the entrances were like golden eyes, always watching and waiting.

Two days passed and interested people didn’t make themselves wait much longer and started to come to the drug store asking for the jobs. They were all willing to help but none of them fit with the qualities I was looking for. Until one day I finally found her, or perhaps she found me. Her features were as I imagined them and even better; she had little hands and long fingers, she was meticulous and careful. Her name was Charlotte Wise but she was known in town as Ruby, a well-deserved nickname since her hair was red as the stone. The day she came into the store everything changed, as if a sudden peacefulness had taken over the place. My new assistant would transform not only my work but also my life from that moment on.

Spring arrived after the dark days left Derry and its people slowly tried to get back to normal. Charlotte and I began having more time to spend in each other’s company so I decided it would be a good opportunity to teach her something new related to her job. We were still working as usual but the environment inside the shop had some kind of magic that was making it springier. Andrew, Charlotte’s younger brother, took the delivery job and he was doing very well, we didn’t receive any complaints about time or packages delivered in bad conditions. The boy was attentive and helpful, just like his beautiful sister. Agility was on his side and he was making a great use of it with the bicycle he got for the job. When work increased we bought a new mean of transportation so the boy wouldn’t get caught under the suffocating heat or merciless storms.

That year ended with a happy ending for Derry and we started a new one even happier. Charlotte and I had gathered enough money to begin a new life; she wanted to live with me so we bought a small but modest house two blocks away from the shop. Her brother would inherit his sister bedroom in their mother’s house so things couldn’t have settled down any better. I proposed Charlotte to be my wife one hot summer morning to which she merrily accepted. We got married at the chapel and later we had a delicious brunch under the willows of the park. That day and the ones that would follow would be memorable.

August, 1875

Charlotte’s contractions were getting more often and she will soon start her labor. We found out she was expecting later that summer which to me was like more wonderful news. I was in the middle of a preparation to help diuresis when someone came to the shop and let me know that my wife was in the operations room. I left Andrew in charge of the shop until I got back and rushed to the hospital taking the carriage; it will get me there faster.

I got to the Derry Public Hospital just in time to hold my wife’s hand and help her with her labor. Although she wasn’t looking so well she was doing an amazing job, showing her braver side, as always. The nurses were extremely careful and gentle; they were coming and going, taking wet cloths and other objects to the room.

After a long struggle Charlotte finally delivered a beautiful baby girl into this world. The doctor cut the cord and put her on my wife’s arms; he turned around and made me to a side to talk privately.

– Congratulations Mr. Gray – the literate man said squeezing my shoulder-. Your daughter is in perfect shape – he made a pause and, with a lower tone of voice added- but I'm afraid your wife is in delicate condition now. She has lost too much blood and she will require an intensive iron treatment to overcome the anemia she might possibly develop.

The doctor gave me a prescription with the steps to follow and a food diet, I thanked him for his advice and went back with my wife that had fallen asleep cuddling our child. The little girl was oddly quiet, she seemed confused and curious yet she was paying attention to her surroundings very carefully. I came closer to take a better look at my tiny wonder and took her little hand with my fingers that she immediately held on to firmly. My heart was pounding inside my chest like a machine out of control, making me sweat almost profusely. Nervousness, excitement and curiosity were a complex mixture, as the ones I was so used to prepare with the only difference that this one was totally out of my knowledge.

Charlotte was indeed exhausted and very pale but I could see the joy sparkling in her face. She made a huge effort to open her eyes which eyelids seemed too heavy. Once she could finally fix her eyes with mine, she grabbed my hand and made me sit next to her. She looked at me in silence for some minutes as if trying to dig up my feelings somehow and figure out what was going on inside my head. Slowly the light in her eyes started to fade away, like a candle about to be completely consumed.

– Promise me you will always look after her, Robert – she pleaded in a whisper.

I nodded bitterly without saying a word knowing that, deep down inside she was, in some way, asking me to do something she wouldn’t be able to do and she just wanted to be sure we would be okay. I stroked her cheek so tenderly that the very contact with her smooth skin made the tips of fingers ache. I hugged them both as if I was trying to protect them from the world and the coldness it owned, but my arms seemed not to be enough. Nothing seemed to be enough to replace the turmoil of divided feelings I was being prey of that very moment so, I did what I was the best at, I began mixing them just to find the balance between happiness and sadness, wholeness and emptiness.

Five years later

Snow was covering Derry like no other time of the year and streets looked like unpolluted highways to heaven. There were some children playing in the front gardens of their houses, some were throwing snowballs at each other and some others were building snowmen. Augustine was having a hard time building her snowman since the snow kept on crumbling or the little branches didn’t stop falling from their holes. I was watching her through the window and her persistence was one of the many reasons of my smile. I grabbed my coat and went outside to help her finish what for her seemed to be a colossal monument. She was almost six years old and her mother and I had the chance to pick a name for her which I will always be totally grateful for.

Christmas was near and I had already bought Augustine her present. Andrew would spend the holiday with us since I started to enjoy my brother’s-in-law company and her niece loved her uncle very much. He became a great help when Charlotte passed away and our daughter was still a baby, he would take care of her while I was working and making the deliveries from time to time.

After Charlotte died I didn’t feel the need to bring another woman to work to the shop and less to start a new relationship, the hollow she left inside me was big enough to be impossible to be filled with somebody else’s presence and the fact was I wouldn’t ever try to replace my wife no matter how alone I could feel. My queen left her throne and I had a princess making her way to occupy it someday and that, for some unexplainable reason, was already a whole challenge that I had gladly accepted the very moment I looked at this little girl into her eyes.

To be continued…

[squidproquoclarice]

I really like your thoughts on why the epilogue of rdr2 is a bit lacklustre compared to what came before, as well as the disappointment of Arthur getting the redemption=death treatment. If you had written the game, do you think Arthur needed the death sentence of TB in order to turn his life around?

The Epilogue really is just a weird mixed bag, and so much about it plays strangely.  Jumping immediately into it after leaving Arthur on that mountain without any closure or chance to process.  Charles randomly getting cheated of his happy life in Canada.  Sadie randomly choosing to drag John out bounty hunting.  I suspect, as I’ve said, the Epilogue was originally Arthur’s in a scenario where he survived, and probably rather shorter, focused mainly on the mission to get Micah.  I think the bounty hunting missions were very possibly originally Arthur and Sadie, which would make far more sense than John and Sadie, and Sadie’s remark about leaving for South America would handily explain why both she and Arthur are nowhere to be found in RDR1, without needing to kill Arthur, given she and Arthur likely might have been together romantically by then, or gotten together in the Epilogue, in a way that wasn’t possible for either of them in the main story.Anyway,  while I still WTF at Arthur going from a clear restorative (i.e., “restore balance by doing good in the world”) redemption path to suddenly get thrown onto the retributive (i.e., “die for your sins”) redemption one, I do think the TB was necessary.Arthur had his doubts about things, particularly post-Blackwater.  We see that.  But even a near-death experience with the O’Driscolls, where Dutch clearly abandoned him and wasn’t looking, let alone charging in to rescue him like Colm assumes, isn’t enough to change his thinking or his loyalty.  (To be fair I think Dutch didn’t assume Arthur’s capture.  Micah likely convinced Dutch that Arthur just randomly went hunting when he saw the parlay end, but really, if Dutch bothered to look at that story at all it falls apart immediately, so I’m not giving him too much credit here.)  He needed more than that.Part of that is because Arthur may have vague dreams of a peaceful life, but he doesn’t really believe in Dutch’s tales of unspoiled paradise. Not for himself, anyway.  He’s always assumed he wouldn’t die old and peacefully–there’s a convo with Dutch where he says something to the effect of “I always figured I’d go out with a [bullet] hole in me”.  He’s prepared, in a non-specific way, to die a bad death, so the O’Driscoll thing didn’t really challenge him enough to jolt him out of his ways of thinking.But then the TB comes along and that’s absolutely unexpected.  It’s not getting shot, or hanged, the two deaths he’s likely accepted as his probable fate.  it’s something else entirely.  He has to face his mortality directly and acutely, rather than some vague notion.  He has to face the fact he caught this disease beating Tom Downes pointlessly.  Like Charles points out, it means he has some time to think about what he wants to do.  We know he’s written about his doubts and self-loathing in his journal.  We also know he believes in some kind of afterlife.  So he’s in a place then to think about legacy.  It gives him the freedom to say “You know, I’ve lived a bad life doing whatever Dutch wanted, but I’m facing likely death from this.  Now it’s time for me to do what I need to try to make things right with myself and the world in case these are the last things I ever do.”  I’m not sure he’d feel he had permission to do that nearly as easily without the push of terminal illness.  There’s something incredibly powerful in that narrative that it flips the usual script.  He’s not a god-like being at the height of his strength at the end.  He’s the weakest he’s ever been as an adult.  But spiritually, psychologically, he’s far stronger than he’s ever been, and so Arthur’s endgame is a triumph of love and spirit, not brute force.So yeah, I do think the TB was necessary, both for Arthur and the narrative.  But as I’ve pointed out, while it was tough to beat and took years of recovery, it wasn’t automatically fatal, so that did leave the door open for Arthur’s survival should R* have chosen to go that way.  

[teenwolf-theoriginals]

For anyone who hasn’t watched The Originals I will not spoil anything, so if you don’t want to know what happens, don’t click “keep reading”. For the ones that have watched the episode, I would genuinely love to hear your thoughts.

Below I’m going to just simply talk about the things I loved and the one thing I didn’t (I’m sure you can all guess what that is). Remember, this is my opinion. You don’t have to agree, I’m not here to force you too. Just don’t be childish about it and send hate. Because we all have our own thoughts, feelings and opinions and I want everyone to be able to share theirs without feeling scared too.

So, here I go:

Things I loved:

To start of with I really enjoyed the little full circle moments the series finale had - from Rebekah and the cure, to Elijah dying with Klaus. It really made the episode more emotional. This show is and will forever be about family and I'm extremely glad they honored that. So, here are the things I loved about the series finale of The Originals.

Cami - She was only seen a few times but I still adored her being the voice of reason. Even in those short scenes they captured what was so pure about Klaus and Cami. He listened to his heart (Cami) over his head (Mikael), and that to me showed the power of how much Cami has impacted Klaus' life, but also their bond. And I’m choosing to believe they’re together again in the afterlife.

Mikael - Take those scenes he was in and now imagine the heart-wrenching, emotional turmoil season 5 could of had if he was the main villain. I love Mikael, yes, his character is a dick but the way Sebastian portrays him speaks volumes. Honestly, he would have been such a great storyline for the last, ever season and it makes me extremely mad that the writers didn't even think about it or consider to somehow make this season about family in every aspect. Take away the characters that didn't add value and add someone who would of changed the storyline, characters and emotional stakes (like Mikael) and the season would have flourished so much better.

Rebekah and Marcel - They got their happy ever after, if only for a short while (but then 100 years isn’t really short, but you know what I mean). I knew deep down that somehow these two will finally end up together. They've had many rocky starts and hurdles to jump, but it really did make me smile when Rebekah took Kol's advice and choose her own happiness - full circle moment.

Elijah and Klaus - Honestly, I was prepared for Klaus to die. That got spoiled for me and I accepted it way before I watched the episode. However, I was completely taken back at Elijah dying as well (even though, I too, thought he was, but then I changed my mind thinking there’s no way two siblings would die). But in many ways it made sense, and as heart-breaking as it was to watch and come to terms with, I loved that the finale moment was Elijah and Klaus. Them finding peace within death, doing it on their terms and really taking their vow of "always and forever" right to their final moments. Those two had such a complex relationship and to see it come full circle was nothing short of bittersweet.

Kol and Freya - At least two of them got permanent happy endings. Kol gets to go home and live a fruitful life with Davina. And Freya gets to be a mum and live a semi-normal life with Keelin. I'm glad they didn't kill Kol and I'm so glad that in the midst of all the chaos there was a chance for the family to find happiness and light. I really enjoyed watching both their character arcs, and think the way the series ended for them made sense.

Hope - Even though I won't be watching Legacies, I do hope they don't sweep her parents death under the rug and use it as a driving force for Hope to be all that she promised Klaus. I think they did a good job with her character and all her bonding moments with Klaus and Hayley were filled with emotion and great chemistry. Whatever ends up happening on the spin off show, I know that Hope Mikaelson will be able to handle anything that comes her way. She was born a fighter and this season showcased that there is nothing she won't do for the people she loves.

Also the last shot of Hope being her painting and then Hayley showing up couldn't of been more perfect, I was already crying like a waterfall, but when that happened it was truly something special.

Dinner Scene - I have to include this scene because it was one of the most emotional in the episode. Watching them laugh and tell stories, be happy in the moment, was acted and filmed so beautifully. It’s so rare to see all of them just not be at each other’s throat. There was so much love pouring out of the scene, and it was such a sweet moment to witness before the heart-breaking conclusion.

Things the episode could of done without and it still would of been great:

Honestly there was only one and I know a lot of people can already guess what I'm about to say.

Klaroline - By now most of you should know I don't like this ship. I've never disliked a pairing so much in my life then these two. I don't see the appeal, chemistry or understand why Klaus x Caroline is such a big deal. I've tried to ignore their scenes (literally I skipped their scenes in 5x12), but Caroline's presences still lingers, annoying the crap out of me. I think they ruined her character in TVD and since then I've disliked her.

I didn't see the value she added in being in so many episodes. And when I skipped the scenes she was in, I didn't feel like I missed out of anything 'cause I was easily able to figure out what was going on. I'm not going to apologize not liking them as a pairing, everyone has their different opinions. And I certainly won't waste my time going through the Klaroline tag and looking at posts of a ship I dislike. I will try and ignore anything Klaroline related and I will skip their scenes if I decide to watch the episodes again. In saying that if any Klaroline shippers want to be childish and hate please re-think that decision, because I will not engage in any petty arguments just for your entertainment. This is the last post I will every make of Klaroline, I won't waste my energy talking about them any further (unless I get asks about them, but I rarely do). But I would like to say one more thing and that is, I swear if the only thing people take from the episode is Klaroline, I will lose my shit. There were so many other moments to highlight than a fan-service ship. So I hope the Originals tag isn't filled with just Klaroline posts, and it actually shows some love to other moments in the show and episode.

Conclusion:

While I wish the writers utilized the siblings more (it was called The Originals after all), and as upsetting as it is to have not dived deeper into their history, I am thankful that we did get to see them together if only for a short while.

Whatever your thoughts of the series finale was, we got 5 seasons of countless of amazing characters and villains. We have laughed, cried, screamed out in anger or terror and felt like we too were apart of the Mikaelson family. Season 5, episode 13 marks the end of this wonderful journey and I can proudly say I've loved spending 5 years (longer if you count TVD) with this beautiful, but yet, highly dysfunctional family.

No matter if you loved certain ships, enjoyed the storylines or wished for a different ending, I think it's safe to assume we are all grateful that a show like The Originals was made. It's taught us so much about ourselves, the power of family (blood related or not) and made us want to do better, be better people to our loved ones. I, like so many, will forever wonder why a fantastic show with so much potential got cancelled. I will question the decisions of some of the writers and wonder why certain things had to be this way. But, I will always look back over the 5 seasons and smile.

Thank you to all the amazing actors who brought each and every character to life. Thank you to Joseph, Claire, Nate and Daniel for their unforgettable performances over the years. Thank you everyone behind the scenes for working endlessly on the show. Thank you to Leah, Danielle, Charles, Riley and all the other beautiful actors/actress. And even thank you to Julie Plec for bringing this wonderful world to life.

The Originals will remain in our hearts, memories and most importantly through repeats - always and forever.

[sueboohscorner]

The Originals Series Finale Recap "When the Saints Go Marching In" #TheOriginals #Always&Forever

We've come to the end of another beautiful television journey, and it's time to say goodbye to characters we've loved for years now. The Originals delivers an incredibly cathartic finale that is literally about goodbyes and how to say them properly, for those lucky few who can see it coming and have that chance to do it right. 

Thank you to The CW, once again, for giving your showrunners that chance whenever possible. It's one of the things that makes me such a devoted fan. For real, I've been all-in on The CW since back when it was The WB, and one of the reasons I am so fierce in my fandom is that I trust this network to do right by its shows and fans; rarely do they unceremoniously cancel a show. The awareness of a final season is a gift to both creators and fans. 

But remember how it all began? We started hearing about this big bad named Klaus on The Vampire Diaries, and he turned out to be irresistibly wicked and charming. But before we ever even laid eyes on him, there was Elijah. And wow! From the moment Daniel Gillies showed up, we were mesmerized, and the fan reaction was so intense that he went from a henchman who got staked in his only planned appearance to a more-immortal-than-vampire creature who couldn't die just from being staked after all! 

What I'm saying is that the thrilling spin-off of TVD all started with Elijah and Klaus, and there's no other way it should have ended than with those two brothers. I've seen a lot of online griping about the subsequent scenes we didn't see, but come on; they're implied; we know they're going to happen, and we don't need actually to see them--the proper ending is to stay with Elijah and Klaus.

The series finale starts right where we left off the week before: Klaus has taken the Darkness into himself and is preparing to plunge the White Oak stake into his heart. As Elijah pleads with him not to do this, Hope returns from her brief wolfed outrun (remember, Crescent wolves are helpless to prevent their initial transformation but otherwise exercise complete control, so she must simply have chosen not to stay in wolf form for long). She sees what's going on, gets royally pissed at her father for what he was about to do, and magically snaps his neck.

They bring Klaus home to New Orleans, and Hope immediately dives into finding a cure, but Freya won't play along or indulge this fantasy. She makes it very clear that there is no solution, and that Klaus is right that he has to die, so don't waste his final hours fighting this; use the time to find peace and say goodbye properly. To that end, she has an idea for a spell that will at least keep his mind clear for his last day on earth.

Of course, she'll need to consult with the ultimate Darkness expert, Vincent. She goes to him for help, and he misunderstands at first, thinking she's on the save-Klaus track as usual. When he realizes the true plan, he softens and is ready to support her. Freya notices he's packing, and he says he's bailing forever, getting out of NOLA once and for all after all that's happened. 

Since time is short, she jumps right into another topic she'd been planning to bring up at a later date: She and Keelin have agreed to have a family, and they want Vincent to father their child.

Y'all, this is beautiful, and I start getting weepy at the thought, because I love Vincent, and he totally deserves to be a father and to be part of the kind of fearlessly devoted family he's been peripheral to all these years. But he doesn't quite take it as well at the moment, because he's been through so much, lost so much... just like he wasn't ready to be there for her at the wedding; he's not ready to believe in a future worth being a part of now.

Kol is also not into the family devotion today. He basically says, So what if Klaus finally bites it, because I'll believe it when I see it, and anyway, I spent centuries in a coffin because of that immortal dick. But ultimately, he comes back, of course, because Always & Forever.

Klaus' mind is clear, thanks to Freya's spell, but he's having trouble getting to peace with Hope. She's still raging at him for abandoning her, after all, she went through to get him back in her life, and leaving her now an orphan when she's still freshly mourning her mother, and disappearing when she'll need his guidance in so many things to come. 

But the one person who can soothe him right now shows up: Caroline. She plays back the voicemail Klaus left her back when he first returned to New Orleans in the backdoor pilot and reminded him that he promised to show her his city. Klaus is as touched as we are that she has saved that message all this time. (Btw, check out The CW app for a deleted scene with Klaus and Caroline!)

They wind up at a bar together, and they share a final kiss. He asks her how he is supposed to say goodbye to his daughter, and she demonstrates to him one version of a loving goodbye, making it clear this is their final moment. Then walking away with determined finality, resisting the urge to turn back, to waver in her commitment to the decision, to leave on any note besides the one she chose. I'm getting all weepy again.

Finally, Klaus and Hope have their moment, and he gets her to understand why this is the right choice. The whole family gathers for Klaus' funeral celebration, and it's sweet and sad, knowing this is the last time we'll see them all together. Marcel gets a private word in with Hope, essentially promising to guest-star on Legacies, and I'm so down with that!

The end is here, and it's down to the original three, Klaus, Elijah, and Rebekah. They go together to a quiet area in the town square (considering it's nighttime during Mardi Gras, they must have compelled a city's worth of people just to clear this block!). 

Klaus gives Rebekah a final gift: He's asked Caroline to set aside the Cure for Rebekah decades from now, at the end of Damon and Elena's natural lifetime. Rebekah will finally have the human life and death she's dreamed of. She embraces him and goes away filled with hope, then finds Marcel and proposes marriage with the full understanding that her life is now finite. He accepts, and I'm so happy they're so happy.

Also, Vincent shows up to say he's changed his mind about having a family with Freya and Keelin. He says that Klaus' sacrifice inspired him to take a risk and believe in a future worth being an active part of.

And now it's just Klaus and Elijah. Elijah pulls out the White Oak stake and breaks it in two. Klaus impatiently points out the stake still has plenty of killing ability, so Elijah hasn't stopped this from happening. Elijah explains that he isn't trying to stop Klaus but to join him.

His entire, incredibly long life, Elijah's focus has been on Klaus. Klaus' humanity, Klaus' redemption. Sure, briefly there was that amnesiac dalliance with Antoinette, but other than that, Klaus has been his world. Now that Klaus has become a man who willingly goes to his own death in service of others, Elijah feels complete.

Klaus angrily accuses Elijah of making a big deal about the importance of goodbyes but then sneaking off to die without telling anyone, but of course, that's not what happened. Today was about Klaus, and Elijah got his goodbyes in quietly, on the sidelines. He made his peace with everyone, and they understood and supported his choice. I'm crying almost as hard right now as I was while actually watching it.

Together, they share a final moment and look into each other's eyes as they plunge the stakes into each other's hearts. The end. The Originals, out.

And yes, after this moment, we know Elijah and Hayley have their dance. And we know Cami is waiting to greet Klaus in the afterlife, too. But I don't need to see those moments to know they happened. Just as TVD ended with Damon and Stefan, it was right for The Originals to end with Klaus and Elijah. 

I'm grateful for the journey we got to go on with these characters. I'm in awe of the acting talent we were lucky enough to enjoy throughout. I'll be watching Legacies for sure, and I'll be looking for whatever Joseph Morgan, Daniel Gillies, and Yusuf Gatewood do next, among others. Thanks for a glorious ride, Julie Plec et al. 

10/10 Always & Forever

[thewildthewarlikeandthewoebegone]

Hospitality

Part 3 ____________________

The encounter at the mansion was distressing, but there's not much that can be done about it.  Jason tells Eileen, Alfred, and the chapel dweller to watch out for a teenager who fits Sebastian's description (and to keep their distance if he's armed).  He considers returning to the house to ask Sebastian's mother for any updates, but it's not an encounter he can really bring himself to set up.  Disturbingly enough, Eileen, Alfred, and the chapel dweller all seem fairly  nonplussed about the situation; this is the kind of thing that happens in Yharnam.  The attitude gets Jason thinking about the identities of the angry hordes in the streets... fathers, mothers, neighbors.  What's the proper balance between ruminating on gravitas and killing beasts anyway?  This fancy title of Hunter is not without its responsibilities. 

And the night goes on.

Jason's about ready to just try and forget the whole thing, when something happens which he never would have expected: he has a visitor in the Hunter's Dream.

Jason likes to take naps behind the Caryll Rune altar; or, he’ll lie down and daydream for a bit, anyways.  It's hard to really sleep, when he’s already in a dream.  He's not sure how Hunters usually organize their rest, with a body that doesn't need it and a mind that does.  But it works just fine for him, to lie down and stare at the ceiling for a good long time, a great long time, until he's ready to get back at it again.  

He's indulging in one of these pseudo-naps when he hears movement outside the workshop.  A person getting to their feet, then staggering around a little, breathing heavily.  His first thought is that Hunters’ helper Gehrman or the Plain Doll is in trouble somehow. 

Gehrman is very blunt, and doesn't have a lot of patience for explaining misunderstandings.  On top of that, he has just the sharpest memory and keenest sense of humor where Jason’s blunders are concerned.  But he still answers questions and offers advice, and he still accepts it as his solemn duty to be of service to new Hunters.  There’s a limit to how much of Gehrman Jason can tolerate before he needs a break, but the man is by no means an enemy. He’s even been known to toss compliments around on occasion.  

The Plain Doll is almost Gehrman’s opposite.  She doesn't have much advice to give, but she loves with her whole heart, loves the deserving and undeserving alike.  She’s one of the best conversation partners Jason has ever found, compassionate and curious, quick to build up and slow to tear down.  Jason cares about her, worries about her, and feels a bit protective of her.  

Hearing a denizen of the Dream in distress, Jason gets up and goes out to see who needs help, and what he can do.  

It’s neither Gehrman nor the Doll.  Jason soon finds himself face to face with Sebastian.

"Goodness fuck," he blurts out, involuntarily gripping his cleaver more tightly. 

Sebastian only looks at him, with all the pain of being seventeen years old and having just gone through a worst experience to date.

"Are you alright?" Jason asks next.  Cautiously.  Sebastian doesn't appear to have a weapon this time, but Jason knows the Messengers were quick to set him up with one when he first found the Dream, and he keeps his guard up.

"I don't... I don't know," Sebastian says, looking around, holding his neck.  "I..."  

"Oh, you... you died!" Jason exclaims in realization.  Sebastian shoots him a wounded glare, and Jason sobers up.  "I'm sorry!" he says.  "But you did die, didn't you?  It's not permanent for Hunters.  If that's what you are now.  You can go back to Yharnam.  This isn't the afterlife.  As far as I'm aware, anyways."

This reassurance finally seems to get through.  Jason has Sebastian's full attention now.  

"Hunters can come back...right?" he asks, still holding his neck but not quite as urgently anymore.  "I've truly become a Hunter?  I did it?"

"Well, I don't know what you did," Jason says.  "But this is the Hunters' workshop, and it's where I went first, when I died the first time.  So I'd imagine you were successful with whatever it was."

A shadow passes over Sebastian's face.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"For what?" Jason says, though in all honestly he has a hunch.

"My father was a blood minister," Sebastian says quietly.  His hand drops from his neck, and he takes deep breaths to calm down.  "I knew he'd done contracts for Hunters before, so I knew I’d find books with instructions how to.  I grew up learning how to refine and process blood -- I'm good at it.  I figured... if I could just get a Hunter's blood, I could figure out how to...  But I never wanted to...  And then you saved us, and... Uhh..."

"Oh," Jason says, thinking, genuinely curious.  He really has no idea how he got bound to this dream; Sebastian surely knows more about all of those details than he does.  He never would have thought of himself as a walking catalyst for Hunterdom, but it makes sense as he thinks about it.  That was how it started for him, wasn’t it?  A blood transfusion?  If his Hunter’s contract is based on blood, it isn’t a stretch to imagine he carries some extractable link to the Dream in his veins.  "So you wanted to leave home, but you wanted to make yourself a Hunter first," he muses.  “And you had the tools to do it, you just had to bag the poor fool.”

"My father was turning!" Sebastian says defensively.  "My mother kept acting like it was nothing!  Like he'd get better!  You don't GET better when you start to turn!  I had to get out, and it had to be tonight, but there were beasts all over the streets!"

Jason frowns, thinking.  He can guess all too easily what it might feel like, to be trapped in a house where your voice has no weight, watching a tragedy and an emergency unfold which you're completely powerless to stop.  If Sebastian had just flagged Jason down and asked him for directions to a safer place, Jason would have been happy to oblige.  If Sebastian had flagged Jason down and asked him to take out the threat, Jason could have done that as well.  Sebastian's solution, attacking a Hunter to become a Hunter so he could protect himself, is a bit extreme, but it particularly stands out as a solution that doesn't require asking anybody for help.  And Jason can hardly blame him, honestly; how was he supposed to know whether some random Hunter was prepared to help?  Angry people...unhelpful people... people...fucking hell... Jason definitely remembers cringing past an angry person who disapproved of him so he could just fight a werewolf already.  

"So stabbing me wasn't personal," Jason offers, with a pained little smile.

"No," Sebastian says miserably.  "It wasn't."

"When were you, uh, planning on stabbing me, originally?" Jason asks.  "Before your mom and then your dad came downstairs?  Out of curiosity."

"I was going to do it just after I opened the door," Sebastian says quietly, darkly.  “I wanted to so badly, I just... I didn’t have the nerve, and then...”

"Whoa," Jason says.

"It's not funny," Sebastian says.

"No," Jason says, "I'm impressed.  You needed to escape... and you were prepared to stab someone.  You were gonna fight a Hunter.  And in the end you really did work up the nerve!"

Sebastian seems suspicious he is being made fun of.

"I mean, that was never me," Jason says.  He feels there's room for some kind of heart-to-heart to happen, but he's supremely unaware of how to go about that effectively.  Of how to talk to a teenager, in general.  Are you supposed to just blurt it out?  Hey, I was raised to feel like a waste of skin!  That's me!  Rules of polite conversation seem to have forbidden many of Jason's life experiences from ever seeing light.  How can he tell this kid that, as a habitual doormat, it's inspiring to meet someone in a similar boat who already figured out how to fight?

"Yeah, bet you just chop all your problems to death and that's the end of it," Sebastian says gloomily.

"What!"

"You're the Hunter," Sebastian says.  "I'm just a coward.  I can't fix anything.  I ran away.  So you can stop making fun of me."

For all its concerning negativity, it's the kind of compliment that's too big to handle all at once.  The kind you've got to think about a while, to make sure it was even real.

"Sebastian!" Jason says.  "I guess I can chop a werewolf to death in less 'n five minutes, okay, but let me tell you, that's the ONLY thing I'm good at.  M-may your father rest in peace."  

"Fuck him," Sebastian says instantly.

"Or fuck him," Jason acknowledges quickly, without emotion.

A pause.

"I've run away from lots of things," Jason says.  "I run away from everything."

Sebastian doesn't argue, but doesn't seem convinced either.

"I'm only here because I was running away from things other places," Jason says.

"Like what," Sebastian says.

Edward.  Charlotte.  Jason's parents.  The unsafe job in the mine that his father excitedly encouraged him to get, after looking down on mining and miners throughout Jason's entire childhood.  The rude person at the stables Jason spoke to about possibly buying a horse, who sized him up and asked him if he was going to eat it.  The smooth-talker who offered a room at a good price but kept stealing Jason's things.  The people who only stared at him, when he asked them for directions as politely as he knew how.  The people who gave him wrong directions.  The man Jason never interacted with personally but observed dragging a dog along on a leash, yelling at it...

"I...I told you..." Jason says, shrugging.  "Everything."

"Not werewolves," Sebastian says.

"Yeah," Jason says.  "I guess.  Everything but werewolves.  But it sure helps that I can’t die."

Sebastian looks very unconvinced.  Jason sighs.

"I ran away from my family," Jason says.  "Things got bad.  I thought I could fix it.  And I tried.  But I didn't.  I couldn't.  All I could do was run away.  And it took me a lot longer to figure out I should do it than it took you."

Sebastian nods slowly; fine.  That's fair.

"I truly think you're doing alright," Jason says.  "I don't think we're so different."

Sebastian considers, but nods.  

They end up finding a lot to talk about, sitting on the steps of the garden path in the Hunter's Dream.  Jason, with his career of running away, has a lot to share about the world outside of Yharnam.  Once Sebastian really gets comfortable with the idea that he's being listened to, he takes on most of the talking, with animation and enthusiasm.  Which is a relief to Jason, because how do you even carry on a conversation.  Or talk to teenagers.  He tries asking Sebastian about blood ministration, but everything Sebastian says goes right over his head.  He says he’s really impressed by how much Sebastian knows about it.  Sebastian seems embarrassed, and gets Jason to shut up by complimenting his hunting again.  

By the time Gehrman discovers them, they've figured out that Sebastian doesn't have much interest in beast hunting but wants to travel.  His parents had always been quite disdainful of the outside world, but Jason's recent description of it offered a much friendlier, more livable picture.  Sebastian doesn't like the look of the Hunter's Dream at all (he says it feels sinister in ways he can't quite put his finger on, to which Gehrman nods wisely, to which Jason wonders if he should be worried about anything).  Sebastian does like the idea of remaining a Hunter for the rest of the night, though, to ensure his safety holing up somewhere in Yharnam.  Gehrman confirms that he knows of a way to reverse Sebastian's connection to the Dream, which he can perform once the sun rises (which, Jason's incredibly relieved to hear it confirmed that leaving is possible.  He'd been wondering about that, but had been too scared to ask).  

"I guess... I guess I should've just... asked for help in the first place instead of trying to do everything on my own," Sebastian tells Jason sheepishly, when Gehrman leaves.  "You all have been so nice to me... I guess I've just been living around jerks for so long I started to just figure maybe, maybe most people are jerks..."

"Pssshhh," Jason says.  "Lots of people are jerks, though.  It's so common for Hunters to turn out to be jerks that my friend Eileen’s whole job is to kill 'em if they start to go bad.  I think you were right to be cautious, I think you were right to come up with a plan in case you did have to do everything on your own...just, maybe next time it couldn't hurt to ask first, and then stab the bastard?"

That gets a laugh.  Oh, this kid has seen some shit, though.  They're going to send him on his way, and he's going to show a brave smile like he could conquer anything.  And maybe he can.  But the process won't be pleasant.  Because then he'll be on his own, and the weariness of the road will start devouring as much of his spirit as it can.  He'll try to make friends or fall in love with a wounded heart, and it probably won't come out pretty for anybody.  He'll figure out how to cut holes in his sense of what he wants and needs, to survive, and if he learns to decide to be happy with the meager existence he finds, he'll be doing quite well indeed.

But there really isn't much more to be said or done.  Jason shakes Sebastian’s hand, gets his brave smile, and watches him wink out by the gravestones.  

"Now, I'm sorry," Gehrman says.  He seems to have come back, now that the only witness has vanished.  "But did I hear you right when you said that scrap of a kid stabbed you?"  

It's a continuation of quite the pattern of jokes at Jason's expense.  Jason may have accidentally glued his cleaver to the workstation trying to figure out blood gems, and had to ask for help, okay.  But that was one time, and ever since then Gehrman has picked up a cheery habit of putting him down in the guise of friendliness.  It’s a crude hospitality, and Jason’s never liked it.

Jason turns to look at Gehrman.  Jason, who probably just chops up his problems.  The Hunter, who isn't scared of werewolves.  In mere hours, he could easily be back to worrying and scrambling over what people think, accepting the role of the fool and not really thinking about it.  But for the space of right now, the vision of a cooler, more capable Jason is fresh in his mind.  

"You're a fly in my ocean, you old shoe," he says, pointing at Gehrman.  

At first Gehrman looks utterly and completely startled.  Then he starts laughing, laughing and laughing, like his life depends on it.  Jason is pretty sure this is just a continuation of making fun of him, but he’s nevertheless unable to keep a straight face, and eventually just joins in.  Har har har.  Okay, sure.

The night won’t last forever.  Once the sun rises, he’s gone.

[The end]

[interfaithconnect]

A question for our Christian and Muslim mods; what do you honestly believe will happen to non-believers of your faith after death?

Mod Lydia:

Truth be told, it would be presumptuous of me to assume anything about life after death. I do not know what happens after death, for “believers” or “non-believers” alike. I don’t think it makes much a difference, to be honest.

“All share a common destiny—the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad, the clean and the unclean, those who offer sacrifices and those who do not. As it is with the good, so with the sinful; as it is with those who take oaths, so with those who are afraid to take them.” Ecclesiastes 9:2-3

I like the idea of Universal Reconciliation, which is the assumption that all shall ultimately return to God, in one form or another. My particular denomination (UCC) tends to take this stance. I know this is often labeled as the “hippie” belief, but I find it a relevant theory.

“That is why we labor and strive because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe.”   1 Timothy 4:10

“All of nature with its forms and creatures exist together and are interwoven with each other. They will be resolved back, however, to their own proper origin, for the compositions of matter return the original roots of their nature.” The Savior, Gospel of Mary.

A lot of people ask if I believe in Hell, and I do, but not in the literal doom and fire sense that the western world loves to embrace. I believe Hell is when reality is not aligned with God. It is manifested by us and it is both societal and personal. I certainly do not believe it is a place were solely “non-believers” go to.

Mod Kira:

I believe that all people, regardless of colour, faith or creed, are children of our Heavenly Father. That’s why Mormons often refer to each other as ‘Brother’ and ‘Sister’. We believe that before coming to this earth, everyone had a pre-earth life as a spirit. It was a place to be with God, but because we didn’t have bodies, we could never progress, learn or change. After coming to earth, our mortal bodies eventually die. But our spirit lives on.

We believe that at death, everyone’s spirit goes to the Spirit World. We have memories of what our life on earth was like, we still have the same personality traits and desires. It is a restful place where we can learn and prepare. People who did not have the opportunity to hear the gospel on the earth have a chance in the Spirit World.

After this, the body and spirit are united once again in resurrection. After you are resurrected, you are brought before God, who will judge you according to your acts, and the desires of your heart. After this judgment, everyone lives in a state of glory:

The Celestial Kingdom

Where God and Jesus Christ live. People who follow the commandments and repent are brought to the Celestial Kingdom. You get to live with God, learn and progress.

Terrestrial KingdomPeople who lived honourable lives but refused to accept the gospel of Jesus Christ live here.

Telestial KingdomThose who continue to sin and do not repent will live here.

We believe that everyone obtains a degree of glory when they die, and it fits perfectly with what I know of God’s love.

Mod Neha:

I have to agree with Lydia in that it would be presumptuous of me to say I know the answer to that. It is for God swt to decide what goodness a person needs to have in order to achieve Heaven - in one hadith, a man gives a stray dog dying of thirst some water. This is enough to give him a place in Heaven (x)(x). In another hadith, a man kills 99 people but then sincerely grieves for his wrongdoing, and goes to repent but dies along his journey, yet is still welcomed to Heaven. In yet another hadith, a pious and devout man goes to Heaven, and God tells him that he may enter by His Grace, the man asks, “not for my piety, but Your Grace?” and is answered in affirmation. So, whatever happens, happens by the will of Allah swt, nothing more and nothing less. Allahu aleem.

In the Quran, God also says, “Had Allah willed, He would have made you one nation [united in religion], but [He intended] to test you in what He has given you; so race to [all that is] good” (x). For me, this means that there are many different types of people (including those of other faiths, and those questioning, and those firmly atheistic) and that I have something to learn from all of them, good or bad, and by own choice pick what is good for me. I stand firmly in line with religious pluralism, because I feel like it is not for me to decide what fulfills a person’s spiritual needs.

Mod Sarah:

I’m agreement with the general sentiment of not being in a position to make a statement about what the afterlife looks like or who “gets in”. That would be elevating myself to a status equal to God and probably invite an entitled or denigrating perspective towards others. I also don’t have a very strong evangelical impulse, if the word in this sense means actively trying to convert others. I love sharing my experiences of God and asking hard questions about faith in with others, and I’m in training to help people find language and practices to deepen their personal connection to the divine, but conversion doesn’t really flag on my radar. In short, I don’t like playing the “who’s saved” game, I don’t agree with it morally, and it doesn’t overly inform the way I speak of God.

That said, I do hold a handful of beliefs about the person of God that inform how I think the afterlife works to some nebulous degree. I think the soul carries on after death, that all energy is connected and that there are different planes of consciousness or being that we can’t quite perceive from our current position. I know my environment and the people around me are infused with God, who I see as an all-creating entity who is rapturously in love with humans and constantly pushing us towards connection to the divine. The Jesus story is proof to me that God is lavishly creative in the way God reveals Themself to us, and that I am caught up in the overarching story that will outlive me, one about God working to heal a broken creation.

I also believe God is as just as God is merciful, and that They ultimately hold the scales on which the deeds of humans are weighed. There are repercussions for any action, in the spiritual realm as well as in the earthly one, because God’s heart is ever attuned to the peace among, rehabilitation of, and the safety of humans. How this historically attested refusal to give up on anyone under any circumstance interacts with the equally desire for righteous conduct among human beings is a tension that’s not easy to riddle out, but it’s one I’m willing to live into.

As far as non-believers, I tend to think that God respects the choices of those who don’t want to have anything to do with God, any my conception of “hell” is roughly the eternal absence of God. C.S. Lewis has an amazing book called the Great Divorce in which he muses the “doors of Hell are locked from the inside”, and that we continue to make choices even after death that prevent us from accepting the invitation of heaven. I’m open to the concept of Hell in similar auspices, but again, God never gives up on anyone and I don’t think I’m in a position to claim that there aren’t further chapters of the story of God’s restoration of humanity after death that we haven’t lived in yet. Fallenness is never the final word, not in this life, and I don’t think, in the next.

Mind you this is a mismash of theologies that I’m expanding on during my time at seminary, but thusfar they hold with my own experiences of God, the character of God presented in the Bible, and simple reason, so I’m going to keep working with them.

[uhxrp]

reapers

I. OVERVIEW

reapers are beings that serve a single purpose—to uphold the natural order. they do this by keeping souls on their rightful path and ensuring the balance between light or dark magic by returning it after death. while it's thought they originate from the fey realm, they are considered by the fey to be a primordial species, and not much in known how they originated. or who brought them into existence.

they're not required for death to occur, though they must be there after when a soul is passing, and though they do have the power to extend life, they know that in doing so for one they're causing a more horrific death for them soon after, so they typically don't. occasionally in prelude to great destruction, reapers will come in a mass gathering to prepare.

there is only one account of a reaper ignoring the natural order, when that reaper who had been kidnapped and forced to kill was freed, he turned on and killed the person who kidnapped him. this is the only known occasion of any reaper ever being the cause of a person's death directly, and it was in self defense and not seen as an egregious offense but rather as an exception. it is well known in the supernatural world that trying to force or sway a reaper leads to your death, in one way or another, and even in the supernatural world they are often outcasts.

despite appearing stoic at times, reapers are apparently as capable at experiencing emotions as humans, as on many occasions reapers have shown sorrow, annoyance, compassion and anger. they also appear to have free will, although they rarely act upon it because they have been trained to know their calling is their ultimate duty.

II. STATISTICS

reapers are known to be the true neutrals of the supernatural world, immortals with specific given purpose. currently, no one knows that the purpose reapers are given can be anything but the guidance of souls - and the reapers who know are making sure it stays that way.

LIFESPAN

reapers are immortal and can be made between the ages of 18 and 850 years old.

CREATION

reapers are created prior to times of great destruction, such as major natural disasters, genocide, and war.

TRANSFORMATION

a reaper cannot transform into anything else.

PROCREATION

reapers do not reproduce and cannot create other reapers.

III. GOVERNANCE

reapers seem to think of all other reapers as something kin to distant relatives, as they were all created to do one job. there is no known hierarchy for reapers and all seem to think of each other on the same level of respect and courtesy as one another, something almost unheard of in all other species. these beings are dedicated to the natural order and see good and evil as both having a purpose and thus a place in the world, and as such do not see a need for a hierarchy or ruling power, believing they are all under their duties as keepers of the natural order and therefore without any real power.

IV. ALLIANCES

known for their neutrality, reapers have occasionally been sought for issues that require a party with no allegiance to light or dark magic. but more often, their requested to deal with matters of death, that require a being more knowledgeable.

banshees banshees will occasionally interact with reapers when they are both drawn to a soon-to-be deceased person. as they both deal with death, there is often a mutual understanding and respect between the two species.

ghosts due to the nature of their abilities and purpose, reapers work with spirits pretty often. they are the first seen in the moment a spirit is created, to guide them on their path or to let them continue until they are ready to go.

V. FOES

reapers are misunderstood by most supernaturals. seen as cold and otherworldly, they are the keepers of death and coming across one is a chilling experience, not knowing if the end of the line is just around the corner.

necromancers from a reaper's opinion, necromancers harm the natural order. from a necromancer's opinion, reapers are bad for business. necromancers use spirits that have yet to be guided by a reaper, as once a reaper has finished their job the spirit is gone for good and cannot be called back.

poltergeists due to the nature of their abilities and purpose, reapers work with spirits pretty often. they are the first seen in the moment a spirit is created, to guide them on their path or to let them continue until they are ready to go. however, when a ghost becomes a poltergeist and gives up on moving on, this can mean an inability to do their job on the side of a reaper (or a need to do so with additional means) which can be largely inconvenient for them.

VI. PHYSIOLOGY

BEGINNER

- REAPER PHYSIOLOGY reapers are born immortal, born looking a single age typically between twenty and forty without any change in appearance due to the abilities they will acquire over their time. they are for all intents and purposes dead and unable to be killed, but can be sent to the underworld. they are born with full knowledge of their place in the world, to protect and ensure the natural order.

- DEATH SENSE having this power means the reaper is capable of sensing the coming of death, able to determine when someone is dead or dying or if others have died in a specific location. reapers know when it is someone's time, but their devotion to their purpose keeps them from telling this information usually.

- AFTERLIFE TRANSPORT the user is capable of taking the souls of others, willingly or otherwise, to the afterlife. the reaper can come and go as they please to this life and the one after, transporting the souls they have reaped.

NOVICE

- DEATH INDUCEMENT this is the power to cause death. user can kill anyone and anything using varying means, either instantly, slowly over time, after certain conditions are met, or after a certain period of time has gone. may be used by touch, at a distance, simply willing it to happen, or performing certain ritual.

- WEAPON MANIPULATION this is the ability to manipulate weapons, traditionally a scythe, but swords are common too. regardless of what weapon the user has, it's always sharpened and infused with death. the reaper can summon or create their chosen weapon and are automatically proficient with it, allowing them to both defend themselves and take life when necessary.

COMPETENT

- FEAR INDUCEMENT the power to evoke extreme fear and horror in others. this can be used to enhance any feelings of fear until the victim literally dies of fright, thus making their job easier.

- CHRONOKINESIS (MINOR) at this level, the ability to manipulate time is incredibly weak. the reaper only manages to slow time for a few minutes and it requires most of their energy to be able to perform. they are unable to manipulate time in any other form.

PROFICIENT

- DESIRE FORM this is the power to take on the form of others greatest desire. they can appear as their victim's dead loved ones to ease the transition to the other side, or whatever may help them best do their job.

- INVISIBILITY users can render themselves unseen by the naked eye and become invisible in visible spectrum. the user can move about an environment unseen by others and act without being observed. reapers can choose to let certain people see them, while staying invisible to others, something that makes it easy to interact with souls when in public.

- CHRONOKINESIS (MODERATE) at this level, the reaper is able to manipulate time for longer, though the ability still comes with a massive power draw. the reaper can slow for an hour and pause time completely for a few minutes.

EXPERT

- ETERNAL REST INDUCEMENT this is the power to grant eternal rest to anyone or anything. user can grant death to anyone or anything that is stuck being alive, such as reanimated corpses and users of cursed resurrection, but without actually having to kill them. this can bypass/ignore powers that force the target to stay alive unnaturally and also ensures the target effected can stay dead by granting them peace of mind in the afterlife. this ability is seen as their ultimate ability and saved for special circumstances, such as when a poltergeist is disturbing the natural order, but otherwise reapers typically do not feel it is their duty to interfere with someone's unfinished business.

- DEATH EMPOWERMENT users become stronger, faster, more durable, etc. by the deaths of others, enhancing their powers.

- CHRONOKINESIS (MAJOR) at this level, the reaper is able to manipulate time for far longer and with less of a power draw, the reaper can slow time for a few hours, pause time completely for a few minutes, and can keep time going for an individual while time is stopped.

VII. WEAKNESSES

reapers are notoriously difficult to kill, however they can be trapped using witches' sigils, and be burned using incinerating spells.

while it's not known why, a seelie fey's blood is also deeply harmful to a reaper, and will burn their skin if they come into contact with it.

they also cause electromagnetic interference while reaping a soul or using a lot of power, often causing the lights to flash and other electrical circuits to give out. often, this alerts others to the presence of a supernatural.

reapers who are still training their gifts can also get temporarily stuck in time or stuck mid-teleportation, if they are not focused enough or do not have enough power built up. this can result in a mess; torn limbs, wide open cuts, and occasional decapitation. for a reaper, climbing the ranks is immensely difficult, and often its the eldest reapers that are the most powerful.

(note: we would like to note that we do allow the use of creative weaknesses in play, such as a witch and human coming up with their own decision on how their abilities counteract one another, but we urge you to remember that we are trusting you to keep this balanced and fair. as such, the weaknesses we list will be minimal but are by and far not a full list of possible weaknesses. should we notice a character who seems too powerful, you will be asked to bump that character back down or be denied continued play here on unholy for the sake of creative freedom for all members. this includes the knowledge of the strengths and weaknesses of the species that your character would have here on unholy.)